


Playing Doctor

by MKZ4345



Series: IPRE: Twins [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Broken Bones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 22:37:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15694749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MKZ4345/pseuds/MKZ4345
Summary: It's another hectic year on the Starblaster, starting off with a bang. Though, there's a more interesting story to tell than the one we catch the end of.





	Playing Doctor

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I didn't kill off Merle just because I'm not good at writing him yet. I needed to kill him off to explore a headcanon of mine that I have for the twins. 
> 
> Also there are no actual graphic depictions of violence, I just wanted to give a trigger warning for the fact that the fic starts out post violent encounter.

Sometimes spells weren’t enough. It sounds silly, since there are so many spells for seemingly any occasion. But when your healer is dead, your protector is wounded, and your sister’s arm is waving at you from behind her, spells aren’t enough.

Taako would count this as a rough day, for sure. 

Lucretia had managed to get them safely on the deck of the Starblaster, but with Davenport fighting alongside Barry they certainly couldn’t leave yet. In fact, they still hadn’t procured the Light of Creation. 

“What are we going to do?” Lucretia lamented, looking at how horribly twisted Lup’s arm was.

Magnus rolled onto his side, groaning and holding his chest where a huge gash was growing from movement.

“Stop fucking whining and get me some alcohol,” Taako shouted, grabbing as many medical tools as he could find. “White, or clear or whatever, and scissors!”

Lucretia took a moment to cock her head at him, but when she was met with a fevered and angry gaze she sprang into action as well.

Lup was just trying not to pass out, staring at a spot on the deck and trying not to move a centimeter. She couldn’t really see that spot though, there were too many other, darker spots that were trying to be seen. Every time she closed her eyes she saw more spots, so she stopped closing them.

Taako came to her side and said, “Just fucking pass out already, it’ll make it less awful.”

Lup doubted this, but it seemed like all her body was waiting for was permission, and she had no say in the matter as her eyes rolled back into her head and she fell backward against the deck.

So now, with Taako out of spell slots and his best friends slowly dying in new and interesting ways, he closed his eyes and calmed himself.

Repairing Lup’s fucked arm was going to have to wait, especially now that she was out cold. Bleeding held top priority, so Taako moved to Magnus. Rolling him over, he took the scissors from Lucretia’s waiting hand and cut Magnus’ shirt off. The gash was actually better than he had expected, but the way Magnus kept trying to push him away wouldn’t do.

“Sleep, motherfucker,” Taako said, angrily shoving a cloth into Magnus’ mouth. “Or else you’ll feel everything I’m doing.”

Magnus didn’t outwardly acknowledge that Taako had said anything, other than trying to spit the cloth out, so Taako swatted his hand down on Magnus’ head and slammed it into the deck, effectively knocking him out.

“Okay, alcohol,” Taako barked, and whatever clear alcohol they had on the ship appeared in his hand.

After cleaning up the wound and pouring alcohol over it, Taako began to stitch it with alcohol soaked thread meant for tailoring clothing. Skin is basically leather, right?

Once that was done, he instructed Lucretia to put gauze on it and try her best to wrap his chest.

Next, Lup’s fucked arm. This was hard, mostly because he could feel and hear all the fucked up bone parts moving around in there as he reset them. She was for sure not going to be able to use it the same, but it would only be for the rest of the year, so like seven months and yeah that’s still pretty bad.

After yanking on the damn thing and twisting it back into place, Taako held it up and over her unconscious body and shouted for Lucretia’s help.

Lucretia could hardly hold Lup’s hand long enough for Taako to finish the splint made of spare metal meant to repair the Starblaster and first aid tape. Taako then very carefully lifted his sister up and took her to the med bay, where he placed her in one of the beds and affixed her arm to one of the hanging limb-holder things.

Magnus was brought in as well, now having a proper wrap put on his chest to hold the stitches tight.

Last but never least, Lucretia, who had now fainted. Super great.

Taako took her and placed her in a bed as well, taking care to lift her feat with some pillows (red, raise the head; pale, raise the tail).

And, as if it couldn’t have come sooner, Barry and Davenport had finally made it back to the ship and were already springing to action to get them the hell out of this death forest.

“Taako!” Barry yelled, running to meet Taako on the deck in a hug. “Thank the gods. Is Lup okay?”

“She’ll be fine,” Taako said, patting Barry’s back. “Good job buying us time like that.”

Barry pulled back and looked to Davenport for instructions, but was met with empty space. Davenport had already made it to the flight deck, with a limp no less.

“They’re safe in the med bay,” Taako said. “Do we at least know where the Light is?”

“Not yet…” Barry answered, following as they began to walk to the med bay. “They didn’t actually have information, they just wanted to trap us.”

“Fuckers.” Taako threw the door open and Barry gasped, but not out of fear or even worry.

“Holy shit,” Barry breathed. “You did this?”

“Uh,” Taako mumbled, feeling weirdly noticed right now. “Yes?”

“How?”

“… With… Metal, and… Bandages… And tailoring thread…”

“Taako this is ama- tailoring thread?”

“We didn’t have medical sutures.” Taako shrugged. “I used what I could.”

As the Starblaster rose from the ground, Barry decided to wait on his questions, instead taking his time to sit with Lup and help Taako bring her and Magnus’ fevers down.

Once Davenport got them to a comfortable gliding orbit, he got his ankle in a brace and went to rest.

It was nearly a week before Lup woke up again, dazed and delighted to find herself on drugs for the pain. Barry was helping Taako tend to everyone, Lucretia was setting up a proper burial for Merle.

They had long ago decided to still do burials. Even knowing that they would reset and come back when they left, they had all decided that, yeah, it was kind of weird and gross to leave their dead bodies just sitting there. And yeah, I feel weird about it too, let’s just bury them and not have to look at it.

“I’m surprised we managed to survive that,” Barry said. They were all gathered in the med bay, eating as a team. “Mostly.”

“That’s true,” Taako said, nodding. “I didn’t think you guys would make it back. Didn’t one of those bitches have a rocket launcher or something?”

“Something like that,” Davenport laughed. “It was more like… A grenade launcher.”

“Why is that small lion talking,” Lup said, more as a statement than a question. Her eyes were wide, staring at Davenport, and her pupils were blown.

“He’s from the circus,” Taako responded, not skipping a beat. He shoved a spoonful of her pot pie into her mouth, distracting her yet again. 

“I can’t believe Taako was the one who saved you two,” Barry admits. “I didn’t know you had so much knowledge about… Field medicine.”

“Yeah,” Taako sighs. “But, when your sister is trans and likes fire you have to take precautions.”

The room was silent.

Taako noticed and looked around. He saw Barry’s wide eyes, Lucretia’s blank ones, Magnus’ face of realization, and Davenport’s confused gaze.

“Trans… Trans am…?” Davenport whispered, more confused than he has been since he met the twins.

“Oh christ, don’t tell me she forgot to tell you, of all people?” Taako looked at Davenport, their goddamn captain.

“Taako!” Lup shouted, smiling wide. “When did you get here?”

“Dear gods, this conversation has to wait,” Taako griped, casting a sleep spell on his sister and taking a bite of his own food.

It was hours before the rest of the team’s patients broke, and until Lup was finally lucid enough to carry a conversation.

“Oh fuck, did I seriously forget to tell you all?” Lup said from behind her hand, which she had just slapped against her face.

“I thought Taako was calling you fat,” Davenport said, his face analytic. “But apparently ‘trans’ is referring to something much more complicated than a Pontiac…”

Taako fell over laughing, shouting things like “you dumb shit!” and “fucking Pontiac!” as Davenport’s face grew more and more red.

“It is more complicated, but it just means that my medical needs are sometimes different, okay?” Lup sounded tired, and Barry was ready to drop the whole thing right there. “I was born with a dick, then I got rid of it, but I’ve always been a woman, good?”

“How did you get rid of it?” Magnus asked, looking intrigued but cautious.

“Taako is a transmutation wizard.”

Lup’s statement, framed as an answer, made everyone stop and think. 

“I studied medicine for a while,” Taako started, seeing everyone’s newfound thirst for knowledge about their lives and figuring it wouldn’t hurt to share. “And she was finding out that she wasn’t crazy for wanting to be called a girl. She had a particularly bad day, lots of crying and wiping her nose on my shirt, and said something to the effect of ‘why can’t I just turn it into a vagina.’ And so my mission began.”

Magnus laughed.

“I stole every book on anatomy I could get my little dirty hands on, studied everything about the differences in male and female anatomy, even interviewed real life doctors about if that kind of thing was possible,” Taako went on.

“Which,” Lup interrupted, “it wasn’t thought possible, at the time.”

“Right,” Taako continued, “every person I talked to about it was like ‘that’s impossible’ ‘that’s ridiculous’ and all that shit, to which I said wait and see, assholes. Anyway, after years of learning, studying, experimenting, and breaking into surgeons’ houses to steel equipment, I was finally ready to surprise her with my findings.”

“Oh lord, it was the best birthday surprise ever,” Lup said, her eyes lighting up.

“Wait, how did you do it?” Barry asked, then realized how invasive that question seemed. “I mean- sorry, no, it’s- I don’t need to- that was a bad question, sorry…”

“No! It’s fine! Tell them,” Lup said, tapping Taako’s arm.

“I won’t get into the gory details, but I had perfected a six-hour long spell, with surgical elements, that would provide a permanent change from one group of sexual organs to another.”

The room was awestruck.

“I know her pipes front to back, start to finish, and they work perfectly. My finest achievement.” Taako’s tone was proud, and Lup rolled her eyes. Taako then turned to Barry and said, “And that’s why I expect nieces and nephews, Barold. There’s nothing holding her back. The final experiment is to make sure she can carry. So hop to it.”

Barry shrunk back as Taako slowly leaned toward him, looming. Barry was able to only squeak out, “Yes sir.”

The group stayed safe the rest of the year. Lup eventually healed enough to help with work on the Starblaster again, and eventually they found the Light. Not that they particularly wanted to save the assholes who almost killed three people on their team and successfully killed one, but as Lup said, “Even assholes deserve to live long enough to realize they’ve been assholes.” And so they shall.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I was respectful of trans people in this, and if I was in any way offensive, please tell me and I can change the content to match fact or preferred representation.   
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading! Please comment and stuff, I love reading your comments!


End file.
